Life at 30 weeks and Counting

I have felt amazing this pregnancy.

No sickness

A little minor craziness (but seriously who doesn't go a little nuts while in this state)

Fairly good energy levels

seriously no complaints.

Well, that is until now.

I have felt so great that I almost felt like I wasn't pregnant

BUT

whaBAMo

all of a sudden you realize that you can no longer roll over in bed.

I go to roll, wake up when I find myself high-centered, I heave myself back over, and begin the process all over again, only I remember to roll on my back and not on my stomach.

At 30 weeks,

I find myself "nesting"-which actually doesn't involve ME doing anything... it is a lot of lists.... and mostly stuff Dusty needs to do. I'm sure it's annoying. I shall let that fall into the category of "craziness I am allowed to do because I am bringing forth a child into this world".

At 30 weeks,

I have begun to worry.

Until this point the "birth process" has seemed so distant

BUT

now I actually would like to start going back in time.

At this point I would like a sedative to calm myself.

I would like to just breeze into the hospital, looking radiant (and while I'm at it I would like long brunette locks that swing and bounce as I am breezing), I would like to calmly walk into labour and delivery and in moments be holding a beautiful baby. And I would like to walk away hours later looking like i had been at a spa.....

Is that really too much to ask?

Instead,

I will loose countless hours of sleep the night before, worrying about being sliced open. I will waddle into the hospital jittery and nervous with giant bags under my eyes. I will be terrified but forcing myself to smile so I make Dusty feel a little better and a little less nervous than I am. I will spend the greater part of the morning being poked by various nurses TRYING to get an IV in. I will then be wheeled into the O.R. where I will be cold and white and sweaty. I will have to sit up and get an spinal. I will then spend the next half hour numb and feeling like I'm out of breath till finally the moment comes that I hear that cry. The sound of success. They show me the child and in seconds he/she will be whisked out of the room, along with my husband and I will be alone. I will be alone for the next 1 hour (at least) with the only sounds being the nurses feet padding around me, checking vitals, and murmuring quietly. I will finally be wheeled out of the recovery room and put in my room.

I know this must sound like I'm whining.

I'm not.

I'm just scared. I've been through this twice. It's really not that bad (that's what I keep reassuring myself with). It honestly isn't (that bad).

BUT

at 30 weeks

I get nervous.

I begin to panic.

I really need a sedative.....