I have felt amazing this pregnancy.
No sickness
A little minor craziness (but seriously who doesn't go a little nuts while in this state)
Fairly good energy levels
seriously no complaints.
Well, that is until now.
I have felt so great that I almost felt like I wasn't pregnant
BUT
whaBAMo
all of a sudden you realize that you can no longer roll over in bed.
I go to roll, wake up when I find myself high-centered, I heave myself back over, and begin the process all over again, only I remember to roll on my back and not on my stomach.
At 30 weeks,
I find myself "nesting"-which actually doesn't involve ME doing anything... it is a lot of lists.... and mostly stuff Dusty needs to do. I'm sure it's annoying. I shall let that fall into the category of "craziness I am allowed to do because I am bringing forth a child into this world".
At 30 weeks,
I have begun to worry.
Until this point the "birth process" has seemed so distant
BUT
now I actually would like to start going back in time.
At this point I would like a sedative to calm myself.
I would like to just breeze into the hospital, looking radiant (and while I'm at it I would like long brunette locks that swing and bounce as I am breezing), I would like to calmly walk into labour and delivery and in moments be holding a beautiful baby. And I would like to walk away hours later looking like i had been at a spa.....
Is that really too much to ask?
Instead,
I will loose countless hours of sleep the night before, worrying about being sliced open. I will waddle into the hospital jittery and nervous with giant bags under my eyes. I will be terrified but forcing myself to smile so I make Dusty feel a little better and a little less nervous than I am. I will spend the greater part of the morning being poked by various nurses TRYING to get an IV in. I will then be wheeled into the O.R. where I will be cold and white and sweaty. I will have to sit up and get an spinal. I will then spend the next half hour numb and feeling like I'm out of breath till finally the moment comes that I hear that cry. The sound of success. They show me the child and in seconds he/she will be whisked out of the room, along with my husband and I will be alone. I will be alone for the next 1 hour (at least) with the only sounds being the nurses feet padding around me, checking vitals, and murmuring quietly. I will finally be wheeled out of the recovery room and put in my room.
I know this must sound like I'm whining.
I'm not.
I'm just scared. I've been through this twice. It's really not that bad (that's what I keep reassuring myself with). It honestly isn't (that bad).
BUT
at 30 weeks
I get nervous.
I begin to panic.
I really need a sedative.....