Long winded

As everyone knows i've been under the weather the last week and that has given me A LOT of time to just be still. My mind is never a quiet place it's constantly wondering places. Places I've been and places I dream to go. Has anyone ever read Dr. Suess', "Oh the places You'll go"? I love that book. I've been thinking a lot about my kids and how I end up missing some of the funniest things they say and do because I'm distracted by far less important things or I'll be easily irritated with them because "they're in the way". Almost every blog I happen to encounter has a post similar to this one. A post expressing the desire to slow down and enjoy the moment and yet as much as I try, we all try, things still have to be done. I made a mental list of all the things that I do during a day that makes me "busy". I found that I was spending an average of 8- 10 hours a week obsessing about sunbeams. Crazy. I honestly don't know why. I'm not having a poor me moment but the kids in sunbeams miss nursery. They miss toys and playing and instead I'm forcing (yes forcing) them to be there. I think I've gone about this the whole wrong way. I'm not good with kids. I've NEVER been good with kids. I'm okay at assisting people with kids but to actually be in charge it's NEVER EVER turned out positively. I'm better than I was at getting kids to focus because of actually having kids but seriously people my children make me look good. I know it, there is no denying it. My kids listen and are polite and are very VERY well behaved.... and i didn't have much to do with it. it's just how they are. I'm rambling I know but the point of all this is my going about things the wrong way. I was trying too hard. These kids are three and still need to have fun. I'm done making them do things. IT's not fun for me OR them. Ellie came back last week from sunbeams and she had a blast. They learned about water and they got to play. She was clearly pumped about the playing part most but she still learned her lesson. The sub didn't just let them go and have free time but she certainly didn't spend 8 hours a week planning and cutting and searching for things that will get thrown out at home. I know this sounds like whining or complaining but that's not what I'm intending to do. I just realized that the kids are three not 13. anyways. I am feeling better. The kids are still feeling great. Dusty however, says that he's dying! LOL