Paranoia and Anticipation

 Things never go as planned.

They rarely go smoothly.

At least for me.

I say this not to be pessimistic

But

The more kids I have

The older I get

Etc

I learn that things just are as they are.

This last week has been no exception.

I had planned and worked hard to have a lovely Christmas.

It was

But

Not quite how we planned.

This has been a relatively smooth pregnancy

I have actually lost weight and felt pretty good

But

This last week has been a good reminder how quickly that can change too.

I always 

{I am assured this is normal}

Have anxiety towards the end.

I am not an anxious person by nature 

I honestly don't know how people deal with the worry

It is exhausting.

I am fortunate that it really only strikes in the later part.

But

It is here.

I felt it withe previous three. 

It's gotten worse with each child.

Maybe I realize how much can actually go wrong

Maybe I have more at stake

Maybe it's worse with this one because of all the little things that have happened this week.

Or because of our experience with Penny.

Part of me wishes I could flash forward and know that things will be fine

But

I know that I wouldn't want to know if it wasn't going to be fine.

That I suppose is the beauty of life.

It is what it is. You do your best. You put a smile on your face.

You put one foot in front of the other

And

You walk forward with anticipation {and a little anxiety}

Waiting for the next part to unfold.