Today is my birthday and since it's pretty close to New Year's I usually spend my birthday reflecting on the year before and the one before me. Last Year was a good year for me. The last two have been really great. There have been some really great things happen to me in regards to my physical environment and also some really great things emotionally and spiritually.
This last year's highlight would of been Penny.
I was content with having two little girls but when we found out that we were expecting another baby it felt right. I'm glad she wasn't planned but a very pleasant surprise. We kept her a secret for a quite a long time (almost 25 weeks) and cherished the quiet excitement in our family. Her birth in the spring gave me an opportunity to know myself in ways that only a crisis can. It was confirmed that my strength is undeniable. I am very good in a crisis. Good in the kind of way that I am the one you want with you. I will hold it together. I am clear headed and focused. I learned that my beliefs are the core of my being. I know the plan of salvation is real. I have always loved my sisters but I learned that I NEED my sisters. I will be forever grateful for them ignoring my instruction to stay away. There was a very long night spent as they were getting ready to transport Penny. My mom and Dusty were spending time with the transport team trying to get all the information together. My sisters sat in my hospital room. Just sat. And after the hospital, Penny has taught me a great number of things this year. Things I didn't think that after having two children I would have to learn. I learned that it doesn't matter what you do, some babies just don't like to sleep. I remember one time in my life wanting to feel like I was the one my babies wanted. Both Ellie and Lucy loved me and liked to cuddle but they were both pretty content to be passed off or spend time by themselves. I learned to be careful what to wish for. After 8 months of having my house in chaos that there ARE more important things than a clean house. But I have also learned to appreciate a clean house. The last month with Penny has seen great changes (crawling) and I actually can get to things like my desk.... and it's lovely.
This year we also bought a camping trailer. We LOVE it. I love it. I have a countdown for spring. Our little family had such a great time last year camping. I left in June and didn't come home until October. Awesome.
The end of last year also saw all the framing and drywalling in our basement. Pretty exciting.
The last couple of years I have become my own woman. I feel long past my teenage no responsibility discovering personality traits time in my life. I feel like the the 20year old something of college and ideologies has been somewhat humbled with the word Compromise that comes with marriage and children. I feel like the clueless zombie stage of motherhood (which was never really my thing) has dissipated and I am left feeling like. I know who I am. I am fine with who I am. I would even go so far to say I like who I am. I feel a little unapologetic and strong. I also know that there is a lot of life in front of me but the woman right now says, "Bring it on."
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