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I decided to homeschool Ellie.

There are LOADS of reasons for it.

so

Today we had "our" first real test at this homeschooling business.

I was a complete failure.

The scene.

I set Penny down on the couch.

I go and get the little table and stools.

I get it all set up and Penny begins to squawk.

I call Ellie and Lucy.

They are bouncing with anticipation.

I photocopy Ellie's assignment so that Lucy can do it too.

I bring it out.

Penny is wailing.

I set down the papers and go to grab pencils.

Penny is very very loud and red.

I pick her up.

I am bouncing her on my hip and giving Ellie and Lucy their pencils.

I sit down beside Ellie.

I start to explain the work sheet.

"Ellie, can you find question number one?"

Ellie points to it.

"Good. It says, "Print your name". Print your name in this box."

"I can't"

"Why"

"I don't know how."

"Ellie, you do it ALL the time. Of course you can do it. How do you spell your name?"

" E   L   L  I  E."

"Perfect. Now just write it down in the box."

Ellie starts writing.

While in the mean time Lucy has been scribbling and chattering non-stop and Penny is squirming and fussing on my lap.

Then Penny lets 'er go.

I stand up. Knowing there is poop EVERYWHERE.

I glance at the girls.

I KNOW I need to take the pencils before I leave.

"Ellie and Lucy, give me your pencils."

Lucy: "Why, Mom?"

"I don't want you to write all over everything."

Lucy: "Me won't Mom."

"Lucy, give me your pencil."

Lucy: "No."

I begin to count to three indicating a time out.

I feel poop seeping.

I am loosing patience.

I grab the pencil and put them up.

I take Penny and go and change her diaper.

She has poop from her neck to her ankles.

I hear the stool being dragged to get the pencils.

"Lucy, leave them alone."

Ellie: "MOM, Lucy isn't leaving them alone."

"LUCY LEAVE THEM ALONE"

Ellie: "Lucy isn't leaving them alone still".

Penny is screaming.

There is poop everywhere.

I duck out from the change table.

Run down the hall.

Grab the pencils and run back to the change table.

I finish changing Penny.

I drop the poopy laundry on to the floor.

I put Penny in her crib.

She is wailing again.

Lucy is now pulling on my pants and saying over and over and OVER again, "Mom, me have my pencil pleeeease."

I grab the laundry and start washing it out in the sink.

Ellie is still in her chair.

Waiting.

I finally get back to the table.

I realize I forgot Penny.

I go to get her.

I get back to the table and give Ellie and Lucy back their pencils.

Lucy colors all over Ellie's paper.

I take Lucy's pencil.

I send her to her room with her now asking, "Why?" a million times.

About 30 minutes after initially putting the assignment down, Ellie finally gets to finish question one.

Only 7 more questions to go.